Owning responsibility

Holy cow! I had a phone conversation yesterday with someone who, in a nutshell, absolutely did not want to take responsibility for any of the technical issues they were calling about.

I couldn't even get the model number of their equipment beyond the brand. There was a lot of "You're supposed to know that…". When I looked up the information we did have on file, I saw that there was a previous email from them where they were asking three very vague questions. I instantly thought to myself "Okay, now I can get somewhere with this caller. I can break down each question and ask the things I need to know." The caller's response was "How am I supposed to know that?" (I felt like saying, "You bought the device, surely you know something about it." But I didn't. With these kinds of calls becoming combative in the least just causes things to spiral.) Eventually after what felt like a very long 30 minutes I mailed them some documentation and am praying that on Monday we won't hear back from them. I know that sounds rather callous but really people do have to own their own actions and decisions.

Deflecting responsibility for issues in one's life is a guaranteed way to not grow and is a roadmap to frustration for everyone concerned. The above was just an extreme example. I have worked with several individuals like this over the years and there does seem to be a few attributes they share:

1. Where there should be ownership of responsibility there is anger.
2. This can escalate into aggression and accusation.
3. They are the victim inevitably of whatever the particular situation is and that is the rationale for sidestepping responsibility.
   

It boggles my mind, because these behaviours get them nowhere and indeed cause them a great deal of grief. I'm going to guess that the only thing that keeps them reusing the above tactics are the fact that if they can keep you mashed in the situation long enough. Most people will finally give in and take over and fix everything for them. Or they will just walk away. In either case they get short term victory, but in the long term it's just a spiral downward.

But it appears the human brain was never good at looking into the future. Evolution has geared us toward only solving short-term issues in a very rudimentary way. It doesn't necessarily have anything to do with whether it's good in the long term. It's as though evolution said "If you're alive at the end of the day, that's all that matters. We don't do quality of life."

For people to grow or evolve I think it will be necessary for all of society to recognize that we all have our own ivory towers. Our own perceptions which we tried to force on reality and or people. The above story is just a example of what it is like when these perceptions become extreme. Wherever your reality ends there is always something just beyond. Maybe the best way to deal with this kind of thing is for all individuals to realize that they must always go a little bit outside of their comfort zone regardless of what that zone is so that you are always in an ever-expanding bubble. That I think would go a long way toward growth and achieving goals. And lastly eliminating full calls like this one.

Have a great day Patrick